How Sweet the Sound

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
-John Newton

Sunday morning, I was in my garage shivering in front of a kerosene heater with my husband. He had found an old CD while cleaning in there, and it had many hymns on it, one of which was "Amazing Grace." As I sat and listened to a beautiful rendition of this classic song, I began to weep. The tears just came as I felt the Spirit of God surround me with His love and His beauty. As I silently sang the words through my trembling lips, I realized that I was truly experiencing this "amazing grace" for the first time in a long, long time. What I mean is that I was experiencing Him afresh and anew in a way that I had when I first gave my heart to Him.

Back then when I was single and just coming out of my "waywardness," coming out of the darkness. I was so utterly free in the Lord. I was totally abandoned to Him and bold in Him. All I knew was that I was forgiven, that I was loved, that I was transferred from darkness to light, and it was all His doing, none of my own. I knew that I knew that I knew that He touched me and made me whole, as the song goes.

Oh, how subtle it is when the years begin to take away that childlike freedom. Disappointments, trials, betrayals, hurts all come and the enemy tries his best to put us back into bondage, back under a yoke of slavery. Oh, we don't realize it. We think we are "serving" the Lord, and then one day we look up, and we think that we somehow "deserve" all the blessings that we have. We become inundated with the message that the more we "do," the more we "serve," the more we pray, or worship, or read our Word, that the more we will attain, and the more self-righteous we become. It happens, friend, and sometimes, no, often, this idea is perpetuated sadly by the "church."

I am ashamed to say that at one point, although I loved this song and knew with my "mind" that it was true, that it was foundational, that it was important, I almost couldn't stand to hear people sing it. I remember thinking, "Yeah, yeah, grace. That's a cop-out for people who don't want to seek or pursue God. They just want to live any old way and then talk about grace. It's just a crutch to get them off the hook of having to be His true follower, His true disciple." Oh, this is so sad, my friends. This breaks my heart now to think that I ever could have had this mentality even for a moment. It's so wrong, my friends. It's so judgmental and critical, and I never want to be that way again, so help me, my Lord.

So, the Lord is good. His Spirit leads us into all truth. And when we wander from that truth, He brings us back again in His loving-kindness. This I know for sure, that my righteousness is a filthy rag and that all the good things anyone may see in my life come directly from Jesus flowing through me. It is none of me. He is the reason for it all. And all I can do is thank Him and praise Him and stay at His feet continually. My, my, what a sweet sound grace truly is.